State of Life: Home from work and putting my feet up.
Musical Input: I'm enjoying the quiet tonight
Forewarning: I do not consider myself an informed art critic, historian, or even particularly tasteful when it comes to art. I am of the school of thought that if it appeals to me, then I'll put it up. I don't follow any particular school of art, period of history, or any other division. And honestly, if I really had to choose one style that I like more consistently than others, it would have to be realism. I don't care much for the impressionists, expressionists, abstract artists, cubists, etc.
Which brings me to my point. I love Starry Night by Van Gogh. When I first saw it, I honestly thought it was weird. The surrealistic presentation of the stars really did not appeal at all. As the years have gone on, though, I find myself drawn back to it. Why?
I mean, it's not that Van Gogh's tragic life altered my view. It's sad, but many artists are lost long before their time. It's not his use of colors, because yellow is actually one of my least favorite colors. I do love blues, though. So what is it about this particular painting that draws me back again and again?
When I first saw it, I thought it was really depressing. Now, though, it's not depressing but whimsical. It's warm, in spite of the dark, cool colors. I want to sit on that hill, watching the Milky Way swirl overhead and listening to the bell ring from that steeple.
And I guess that's what art should be. It's not an answer; it's a question.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
Ch-ch-changes
State of Life: Somewhat hysterical giggle
Musical Input: Nothing at the moment since I don't have any music loaded on this computer
Well, I have a bit to update you with. First job fell through, got another job. Much, much different job. It's cool, and very impressive sounding, although the job title is more exciting than the job. But the work itself is kinda fun. That makes going to work a lot easier.
Death. Instantaneous hard drive death. My laptop, along with all my writing notes, is gone. All the other work I had on there, school work and church work, is either unnecessary now or is backed up. My completed books are backed up. However, my everyday writing work, the bits and pieces of ideas... it's all gone.
Yeah, I know. I should've backed it up, and I do have some of it backed up. The trick is finding the old CDs that have my old writing files. And I don't have anything current. Oh, well.
So now I'm on my kids' desktop. I am so used to my laptop that typing on this keyboard is frustrating. It's less responsive than my keyboard, so I make so many more typos on this. At least I have one, so I really haven't lost much.
Taking a moment to wax philosophical about my loss, I realize that maybe this is a good thing for me. Yes, I lost 13,000+ words into a new novel, but to be truthful, I wasn't so happy with what I had. I loved the story - still love the story. But this was my first try to write a male POV, and I'm not sure I was doing so well. Also, I'd started this story a couple years ago, but it never really took off. After my creative writing class, I went into the story with much more specific ideas. I will start over, probably this week, and I will keep pursuing that. Also going to talk to a male friend and ask for his input into some of my character's motivations.
All in all, I think I can classify the last few weeks as blessings, just with some disguised more than others.
Musical Input: Nothing at the moment since I don't have any music loaded on this computer
Well, I have a bit to update you with. First job fell through, got another job. Much, much different job. It's cool, and very impressive sounding, although the job title is more exciting than the job. But the work itself is kinda fun. That makes going to work a lot easier.
Death. Instantaneous hard drive death. My laptop, along with all my writing notes, is gone. All the other work I had on there, school work and church work, is either unnecessary now or is backed up. My completed books are backed up. However, my everyday writing work, the bits and pieces of ideas... it's all gone.
Yeah, I know. I should've backed it up, and I do have some of it backed up. The trick is finding the old CDs that have my old writing files. And I don't have anything current. Oh, well.
So now I'm on my kids' desktop. I am so used to my laptop that typing on this keyboard is frustrating. It's less responsive than my keyboard, so I make so many more typos on this. At least I have one, so I really haven't lost much.
Taking a moment to wax philosophical about my loss, I realize that maybe this is a good thing for me. Yes, I lost 13,000+ words into a new novel, but to be truthful, I wasn't so happy with what I had. I loved the story - still love the story. But this was my first try to write a male POV, and I'm not sure I was doing so well. Also, I'd started this story a couple years ago, but it never really took off. After my creative writing class, I went into the story with much more specific ideas. I will start over, probably this week, and I will keep pursuing that. Also going to talk to a male friend and ask for his input into some of my character's motivations.
All in all, I think I can classify the last few weeks as blessings, just with some disguised more than others.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Epiphany
State of Life: Sore from walking
Musical Input: Ordinary World by Duran Duran
Lots more changes! I've got a new job. Very, very, VERY happy about that. This is the longest I've ever gone in my adult life without a job of some kind, although I haven't stopped working. Just making gas money or nothing at all.
Epiphanies are very strange things. There is the one that is blinding, like a vision from God type. I've only had one of those in my life, and I'm still getting through that one. There is the slightly less dramatic one, the whispered voice. I've actually had a few of those, most memorably when I got the message to move out of West Virginia and back to Colorado. Then there's the "God works in mysterious ways" epiphanies.
Last time I checked, video games weren't exactly fodder for spiritual enlightenment. They're good for wasting time, but not so much as faith builders. However, Saturday morning I was playing a little Tetris-knockoff time waster when I took a look at the board. It was full and a mess. I was basically just putting down pieces, trying to get a few more points before ending the game and starting over. And on some level, I was comparing my life, and more importantly, my financial situation to that mess of a board.
I got a piece and dropped it in, expecting the board to go black and to start over. Instead, that one piece cleared a section, which cleared another section, and began cascading until I had about a third of the board cleared. The next few pieces cleared another third, and I was back to a manageable board and the hope to keep going in my game.
"If I can do that with a game, don't you think I can do that with your life?" I didn't actually hear the words, but that was the message I got loud and clear. I was stunned. I know that God can take care of me - know it intellectually, but being able to trust when I'm so scared of what's going on that I feel panic attacks starting... I won't lie. It's very hard.
Now it's one thing to get a nice, supportive, pick-me-up moment like that. However, within a few minutes of that happening, I got an email asking if I could come in for a job interview. I went and sat through the most interesting interview ever. It felt like I was already hired, that this was just a formality to actually meet me and make sure I wasn't some kind of fake or sociopath or something. I walked out with a job.
Just to let you know, this job hasn't fixed all my problems, but it's cleared out enough of my life and given me hope that a few more pieces are coming to clear out some more. I'll never live a life without problems, and honestly, there's no point in living a life without problems. Absence of conflict means absence of growth. Just happy to maybe have different problems for a while.
And I'm still playing the video game, and still being surprised.
Musical Input: Ordinary World by Duran Duran
Lots more changes! I've got a new job. Very, very, VERY happy about that. This is the longest I've ever gone in my adult life without a job of some kind, although I haven't stopped working. Just making gas money or nothing at all.
Epiphanies are very strange things. There is the one that is blinding, like a vision from God type. I've only had one of those in my life, and I'm still getting through that one. There is the slightly less dramatic one, the whispered voice. I've actually had a few of those, most memorably when I got the message to move out of West Virginia and back to Colorado. Then there's the "God works in mysterious ways" epiphanies.
Last time I checked, video games weren't exactly fodder for spiritual enlightenment. They're good for wasting time, but not so much as faith builders. However, Saturday morning I was playing a little Tetris-knockoff time waster when I took a look at the board. It was full and a mess. I was basically just putting down pieces, trying to get a few more points before ending the game and starting over. And on some level, I was comparing my life, and more importantly, my financial situation to that mess of a board.
I got a piece and dropped it in, expecting the board to go black and to start over. Instead, that one piece cleared a section, which cleared another section, and began cascading until I had about a third of the board cleared. The next few pieces cleared another third, and I was back to a manageable board and the hope to keep going in my game.
"If I can do that with a game, don't you think I can do that with your life?" I didn't actually hear the words, but that was the message I got loud and clear. I was stunned. I know that God can take care of me - know it intellectually, but being able to trust when I'm so scared of what's going on that I feel panic attacks starting... I won't lie. It's very hard.
Now it's one thing to get a nice, supportive, pick-me-up moment like that. However, within a few minutes of that happening, I got an email asking if I could come in for a job interview. I went and sat through the most interesting interview ever. It felt like I was already hired, that this was just a formality to actually meet me and make sure I wasn't some kind of fake or sociopath or something. I walked out with a job.
Just to let you know, this job hasn't fixed all my problems, but it's cleared out enough of my life and given me hope that a few more pieces are coming to clear out some more. I'll never live a life without problems, and honestly, there's no point in living a life without problems. Absence of conflict means absence of growth. Just happy to maybe have different problems for a while.
And I'm still playing the video game, and still being surprised.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Blast from the Past
State of Life: Enjoying my up-and-running swamp cooler - Ahhhh
Musical Input: The Holiday in the DVD player
I got a friend request on Facebook today from one of the core members of my group of friends from college. Talking to him brought back so many memories. While I don't wish to go back and relive that time of my life, it's easy now to simply enjoy the great, funny memories - like pranking a friend by cleaning his dorm room, complete with a short-sheeted bed. And I don't have to remember all the angst and stress of the time.
I spent most of my school career bouncing from school to school before finally spending my junior and senior years in the same school, so I have friends from all over the place. A different friend loves to hear my tales from this point of my life, because he says he's had a boring life. Not necessarily true, but that's for another post. While my life wasn't particularly that interesting, my friends were very entertaining. So I have quite a repertoire of stories.
Like the biology major friend, we'll call him Dave, who had a newt crawl in his street shoe while he was at track practice. He took it home to join with his pet iguana, but when he walked in, his roommate, James, was asleep. Apparently, it was somewhat startling to wake up with a newt two inches from your nose.
Then there was the time that Dave came to my room to study for a chemistry test and proceeded to eat a plastic mechanical pencil. Not sure how he didn't perforate something internal, but he ate it. He also pretended to get sucked under my bed - he said from killer dust bunnies, but given that was one of the few times my room was actually clean... I tend to doubt that.
A professor said that no matter how hard we think college is, it is actually the best time of your life. Honestly, it was hard to see that at the time, but he was so right. Those years were tough beyond belief and I had so many problems that seemed insurmountable at the time and I still had more fun than any other time of my life.
And we'll save the story of Dave getting me drunk, my one and only time, for later.
Musical Input: The Holiday in the DVD player
I got a friend request on Facebook today from one of the core members of my group of friends from college. Talking to him brought back so many memories. While I don't wish to go back and relive that time of my life, it's easy now to simply enjoy the great, funny memories - like pranking a friend by cleaning his dorm room, complete with a short-sheeted bed. And I don't have to remember all the angst and stress of the time.
I spent most of my school career bouncing from school to school before finally spending my junior and senior years in the same school, so I have friends from all over the place. A different friend loves to hear my tales from this point of my life, because he says he's had a boring life. Not necessarily true, but that's for another post. While my life wasn't particularly that interesting, my friends were very entertaining. So I have quite a repertoire of stories.
Like the biology major friend, we'll call him Dave, who had a newt crawl in his street shoe while he was at track practice. He took it home to join with his pet iguana, but when he walked in, his roommate, James, was asleep. Apparently, it was somewhat startling to wake up with a newt two inches from your nose.
Then there was the time that Dave came to my room to study for a chemistry test and proceeded to eat a plastic mechanical pencil. Not sure how he didn't perforate something internal, but he ate it. He also pretended to get sucked under my bed - he said from killer dust bunnies, but given that was one of the few times my room was actually clean... I tend to doubt that.
A professor said that no matter how hard we think college is, it is actually the best time of your life. Honestly, it was hard to see that at the time, but he was so right. Those years were tough beyond belief and I had so many problems that seemed insurmountable at the time and I still had more fun than any other time of my life.
And we'll save the story of Dave getting me drunk, my one and only time, for later.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Wither
State of Life: Sleepy - wish I could sleep a whole night through
Musical Input: The Kill by 30 Seconds to Mars
I'm not normally one for dystopian stories. It's just not my cup of tea - I prefer reading science fiction and fantasy, with the occasional romance thrown in. However, I sat down and read Wither cover to cover in about three hours the other day.
Let me tell you what the book had going against it. It's first person POV, which is very hard for me to get invested in. On top of that, it's first person present tense, which is worse. It's dystopian, which is another strike against it.
And yet it still pulled me in. I devoured it. I haven't had a book do that since Harry Potter and the Dragonriders books.
It just goes to show that I am a sucker for a good story. I do not like Rowlings's writing style, but it doesn't hinder me in the least from loving her stories. The same thing with Lauren DeStefano. Her world was detailed but not slow, her main character had depth and was realistic, and the supporting characters were interesting, aside from one. In his case, I think she deliberately held back with him since his background didn't allow for him to develop much personality, which is interesting writing in and of itself. Wither is the first in the Chemical Garden Trilogy, and believe me, I will be watching for the next two books.
On a separate note, Wither was filed in the YA section of the library. While I would've loved this as a teenager, I don't think that having a 16 year old protagonist should automatically relegate it into young adult. I'm not a teen anymore, and this was an incredible read. Yes, this might be kind of picky, but I think the publishing world has gotten hung up on these categories, with YA being the latest trend. I don't think YA is any different from adult fiction; it just boils down to marketing. Sell it to teens, put a pretty cover on it, and make more money. Yet, this is still the bottom line.
I've noticed that Anne McCaffrey's books have gone through a similar shift. The Harper Hall trilogy feature teenage protagonists, and the latest printings of them have emphasized the youthful characters. The older covers showed Menolly as a bit more mature, even though she's only fifteen, and focused on the fire lizards instead of her.
I don't want this to sound like I'm preaching against publishing. That would be very counter-productive since I'm trying to get published. It's just an observation, along with maybe a touch of my own, over-the-hill opinion.
But in any case, read the book. It's so worth it.
Musical Input: The Kill by 30 Seconds to Mars
I'm not normally one for dystopian stories. It's just not my cup of tea - I prefer reading science fiction and fantasy, with the occasional romance thrown in. However, I sat down and read Wither cover to cover in about three hours the other day.
Let me tell you what the book had going against it. It's first person POV, which is very hard for me to get invested in. On top of that, it's first person present tense, which is worse. It's dystopian, which is another strike against it.
And yet it still pulled me in. I devoured it. I haven't had a book do that since Harry Potter and the Dragonriders books.
It just goes to show that I am a sucker for a good story. I do not like Rowlings's writing style, but it doesn't hinder me in the least from loving her stories. The same thing with Lauren DeStefano. Her world was detailed but not slow, her main character had depth and was realistic, and the supporting characters were interesting, aside from one. In his case, I think she deliberately held back with him since his background didn't allow for him to develop much personality, which is interesting writing in and of itself. Wither is the first in the Chemical Garden Trilogy, and believe me, I will be watching for the next two books.
On a separate note, Wither was filed in the YA section of the library. While I would've loved this as a teenager, I don't think that having a 16 year old protagonist should automatically relegate it into young adult. I'm not a teen anymore, and this was an incredible read. Yes, this might be kind of picky, but I think the publishing world has gotten hung up on these categories, with YA being the latest trend. I don't think YA is any different from adult fiction; it just boils down to marketing. Sell it to teens, put a pretty cover on it, and make more money. Yet, this is still the bottom line.
I've noticed that Anne McCaffrey's books have gone through a similar shift. The Harper Hall trilogy feature teenage protagonists, and the latest printings of them have emphasized the youthful characters. The older covers showed Menolly as a bit more mature, even though she's only fifteen, and focused on the fire lizards instead of her.
I don't want this to sound like I'm preaching against publishing. That would be very counter-productive since I'm trying to get published. It's just an observation, along with maybe a touch of my own, over-the-hill opinion.
But in any case, read the book. It's so worth it.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
What's Better than Mom?
State of Life: Tired from doing my summer cleanup work
Musical Input: Tear the World Down by We Are The Fallen
So, what's better than talking to Mom? Apparently, frozen waffles. It's always nice to know where I rank in the world of teenagers. I'm kidding, mostly, but it was one of those things that you just shake your head and realize it's another one to chalk up with those things that you never thought you'd hear, say, or do as a parent.
Some of the things I've said: Don't lick the cat, Don't spin the rifle in the house, Go get the dagger out of the ground so I can mow, Quit complaining, the weekend will be over soon. (Yes, that one has been said to my daughter who'd rather be in school than on Christmas vacation.)
While my kids are away for part of the summer with family, this is my chance to clean the house and have it stay clean. At least until they get home. =-/ It's kind of a weird experience, having lived in a house with children for the last nearly seventeen years, to actually clean something, AND IT STAYS CLEAN. It takes me a while to get it to where I like it, but then it stays there. I always thought of myself as a mediocre housekeeper, but apparently, when it's just me, I'm not too shabby.
In spite of all that, I still count the days until they get home. I'm very fortunate in that I really do get along pretty well with my kids. Given that they're 17 (minus a couple weeks) and 14, I appreciate the fact that my kids will show me affection in public, they don't run and hide from me when we're at the mall, and we enjoy things like sitting down and talking over a meal or playing a family game. In some cases, like my taste in music or playing video games, they even (sometimes) rank me as one of the cooler moms they know.
So maybe, just maybe, Mom is better than frozen waffles.
Musical Input: Tear the World Down by We Are The Fallen
So, what's better than talking to Mom? Apparently, frozen waffles. It's always nice to know where I rank in the world of teenagers. I'm kidding, mostly, but it was one of those things that you just shake your head and realize it's another one to chalk up with those things that you never thought you'd hear, say, or do as a parent.
Some of the things I've said: Don't lick the cat, Don't spin the rifle in the house, Go get the dagger out of the ground so I can mow, Quit complaining, the weekend will be over soon. (Yes, that one has been said to my daughter who'd rather be in school than on Christmas vacation.)
While my kids are away for part of the summer with family, this is my chance to clean the house and have it stay clean. At least until they get home. =-/ It's kind of a weird experience, having lived in a house with children for the last nearly seventeen years, to actually clean something, AND IT STAYS CLEAN. It takes me a while to get it to where I like it, but then it stays there. I always thought of myself as a mediocre housekeeper, but apparently, when it's just me, I'm not too shabby.
In spite of all that, I still count the days until they get home. I'm very fortunate in that I really do get along pretty well with my kids. Given that they're 17 (minus a couple weeks) and 14, I appreciate the fact that my kids will show me affection in public, they don't run and hide from me when we're at the mall, and we enjoy things like sitting down and talking over a meal or playing a family game. In some cases, like my taste in music or playing video games, they even (sometimes) rank me as one of the cooler moms they know.
So maybe, just maybe, Mom is better than frozen waffles.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Odd Name for a Blog
State of Life: Starting over in so many ways
Musical Input: What I've Done by Linkin Park
Put my music on random and this is what I get. It's interesting, since my whole life has been completely upended in the last two years. Changes were made that I never, ever expected. I'm in a place that I never expected, and I'm in places where I'd only hoped to be.
To start with, I'm nearly halfway through a new degree. I have gone back to school for a computer science degree. I tried to go in 2004 for the same thing, but it didn't work out then. However, that's one change that I've welcomed. Others, not so much.
I know a lot of my friends would consider it karma, but I prefer to call it God putting me where He wants me to be. I am still writing, albeit a little more patchily, since I now have a class load to keep up with. It was worth the sacrifice since I got a 4.0 for the first time in my college career. I have two friends who are my own personal cheerleaders, plus several others who support me in many other ways.
On my writing, I finally got some solid feedback from someone who knows what's going on. My creative writing professor has published 100+ short stories and a novel, so he has some experience with writers' struggles. When we did our short story assignment, he said my manuscript was the most professional one he read in the class, which is saying something since I was in a class full of English majors. So I have a second wind to push onward.
When I first started trying to write to get published, I was in my mid-thirties and as green as you can imagine. My goal was to be published by my mid-forties. I thought giving myself a decade was reasonable, since I knew I wouldn't just walk in and sell a book on my first try. Well, I'm halfway through my time frame, and I've written three novels. Still haven't sold anything, but I think it's very encouraging that I haven't given up. I've had a few very big setbacks, but I don't want to stop. I know I can do this.
Oh, and my blog name? Let's call it motivation for myself. It's what I don't want to live.
Musical Input: What I've Done by Linkin Park
Put my music on random and this is what I get. It's interesting, since my whole life has been completely upended in the last two years. Changes were made that I never, ever expected. I'm in a place that I never expected, and I'm in places where I'd only hoped to be.
To start with, I'm nearly halfway through a new degree. I have gone back to school for a computer science degree. I tried to go in 2004 for the same thing, but it didn't work out then. However, that's one change that I've welcomed. Others, not so much.
I know a lot of my friends would consider it karma, but I prefer to call it God putting me where He wants me to be. I am still writing, albeit a little more patchily, since I now have a class load to keep up with. It was worth the sacrifice since I got a 4.0 for the first time in my college career. I have two friends who are my own personal cheerleaders, plus several others who support me in many other ways.
On my writing, I finally got some solid feedback from someone who knows what's going on. My creative writing professor has published 100+ short stories and a novel, so he has some experience with writers' struggles. When we did our short story assignment, he said my manuscript was the most professional one he read in the class, which is saying something since I was in a class full of English majors. So I have a second wind to push onward.
When I first started trying to write to get published, I was in my mid-thirties and as green as you can imagine. My goal was to be published by my mid-forties. I thought giving myself a decade was reasonable, since I knew I wouldn't just walk in and sell a book on my first try. Well, I'm halfway through my time frame, and I've written three novels. Still haven't sold anything, but I think it's very encouraging that I haven't given up. I've had a few very big setbacks, but I don't want to stop. I know I can do this.
Oh, and my blog name? Let's call it motivation for myself. It's what I don't want to live.
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