Epiphany

State of Life: Sore from walking

Musical Input: Ordinary World by Duran Duran

Lots more changes! I've got a new job. Very, very, VERY happy about that. This is the longest I've ever gone in my adult life without a job of some kind, although I haven't stopped working. Just making gas money or nothing at all.

Epiphanies are very strange things. There is the one that is blinding, like a vision from God type. I've only had one of those in my life, and I'm still getting through that one. There is the slightly less dramatic one, the whispered voice. I've actually had a few of those, most memorably when I got the message to move out of West Virginia and back to Colorado. Then there's the "God works in mysterious ways" epiphanies.

Last time I checked, video games weren't exactly fodder for spiritual enlightenment. They're good for wasting time, but not so much as faith builders. However, Saturday morning I was playing a little Tetris-knockoff time waster when I took a look at the board. It was full and a mess. I was basically just putting down pieces, trying to get a few more points before ending the game and starting over. And on some level, I was comparing my life, and more importantly, my financial situation to that mess of a board.

I got a piece and dropped it in, expecting the board to go black and to start over. Instead, that one piece cleared a section, which cleared another section, and began cascading until I had about a third of the board cleared. The next few pieces cleared another third, and I was back to a manageable board and the hope to keep going in my game.

"If I can do that with a game, don't you think I can do that with your life?" I didn't actually hear the words, but that was the message I got loud and clear. I was stunned. I know that God can take care of me - know it intellectually, but being able to trust when I'm so scared of what's going on that I feel panic attacks starting... I won't lie. It's very hard.

Now it's one thing to get a nice, supportive, pick-me-up moment like that. However, within a few minutes of that happening, I got an email asking if I could come in for a job interview. I went and sat through the most interesting interview ever. It felt like I was already hired, that this was just a formality to actually meet me and make sure I wasn't some kind of fake or sociopath or something. I walked out with a job.

Just to let you know, this job hasn't fixed all my problems, but it's cleared out enough of my life and given me hope that a few more pieces are coming to clear out some more. I'll never live a life without problems, and honestly, there's no point in living a life without problems. Absence of conflict means absence of growth. Just happy to maybe have different problems for a while.

And I'm still playing the video game, and still being surprised.